


the way up

by delightwrites



Category: Taiyou no Ko Esteban | Les Mystérieuses Cités d'or | The Mysterious Cities of Gold
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Study, Episode: S03e10 Sundagatt, Everyone Needs A Hug, Families of Choice, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Missing Scene, Team as Family, Temporary Character Death, damn this episode destroyed me, good dad Mendoza, i am having a lot of feels about this family tonight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:00:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29379591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delightwrites/pseuds/delightwrites
Summary: "They lost them.He grips the helm tightly like it's the only thing keeping him standing up, knuckles turning white, and with the Thallios's engines starting up, they leave the third city of gold behind."-the way down to the bottom of the sea, to the third city of gold, to sundagatt was long, but it was filled with anticipation and wonder. this is the way up. and it's a little a different.
Relationships: Esteban & Mendoza (Taiyou no Ko Esteban), Esteban & Tao & Zia (Taiyou no Ko Esteban), Mendoza & Tao (Taiyou no Ko Esteban), Mendoza & Zia (Taiyou no Ko Esteban)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	the way up

**Author's Note:**

> i don't think i can ever let go of sundagatt, so here's my take on the top mcog episode that made me cry the most, hope you enjoy!

At the sight of the Condor, a great weight drops from Mendoza's shoulders. It's been a while since the children were separated from them and he has to admit, he'll be happy to see them again.

The airship lands smoothly on the cliff above the sea and Mendoza thinks he can already hear Kokapetl warn the kids of their arrival.

As soon as their feet touch the ground, Mendoza hears ringing laughter and after a flash of white and brown and gold, Esteban's arms are already wrapped around his middle.

He can't help but laugh too, as he ruffles the boy's hair.

Pedro and Zia are hugging and Sancho doesn't seem to be letting go of Tao either.

Zia laughs. She's always been quick to laugh.

"We missed you little rascals!" Pedro exclaims and spins Zia around like he's dancing with the girl.

"Ye-yeah," Sancho nods enthusiastically and squeezes Tao even tighter. "You are li-like f-family!"

As if the world has stopped spinning under his feet, Mendoza freezes, even if only for a second.

_You are like family._

Perhaps Sancho is right. Things have changed since they set out from Barcelona - a time so long ago it feels like it was in another life. His two sailors somehow always stuck by his side, but now having the children around as well feels just as natural for Mendoza as breathing itself. 

Perhaps this is what family is like.

It's not exactly as he imagined it. (Back when he was a little kid himself, for that was the last time he ever thought of such things.) But it is _real_.

And as they switch places and he hugs Zia and Tao too, it feels even more real.

-

He lost sight of them.

Mendoza fights his way back to the Thallios, perhaps because he hopes he could see better from the top of their vessel, or perhaps because a part of him already knows it would be no use to keep looking. There is blue all around him, there is water everywhere, swallowing the city, swallowing everything. It's too much. Too much to see anything other than the waves breaking through the glass dome and too loud to hear anything other than that roaring, deafening sound.

Mendoza is wading through water that reaches his chest and he can barely walk anymore, let alone keep himself up against the strong currents, and his ribs ache with every breath he takes and he couldn't shout after the children even if he tried, even if his voice wasn't drowned by the sound of the water.

And perhaps there is no one to hear him anyway.

He _lost them_.

His hand slips on the side of Thallios's hull and he would fall and the water would swallow him if it weren't for a hand grabbing him and helping him up.

"Mendoza?" It's Pedro and Mendoza's perhaps never been this relieved to see him. "Where are Esteban and Zia?"

He knows he should answer, but his ribs ache and he lost the children and he can't get the words out, not like this.

He lost them.

He failed them. Esteban and Zia, he's failing them right now. Maybe there could still be a chance to save them, if only he was faster, if only he wasn't injured, if only he went back for them.

But he doesn't go back.

He can't.

It's tearing him into two. He would want to be torn into two, so that one half could stay and one could go, but he can't, he has to be one and whole, because he's needed.

Pedro and Sancho need him. Tao needs him.

He won't fail them like he failed Esteban and Zia, he won't.

He follows Pedro and climbs inside the Thallios, turning back for a split second, to the water that's flooding, drowning, swallowing everything, swallowing Esteban and Zia, swallowing part of this family that he never asked for, never dreamed of.

_I'm sorry_ , Mendoza thinks. He never apologized to the children, not for what he had done, not for who he had been when they first met. He hopes they forgave him for that. He hopes they will forgive him for this.

Inside the Thallios the air is dry and warm, a striking opposite of the city, and Mendoza immediately starts shivering as he enters. His ribs hurt, his whole side hurts and he has to lean against the ladder to catch his breath.

Tao stands at the control panel, waiting to start the vessel once everyone is safe aboard. Somehow he seems smaller than most days and his soaked hair hangs in front of his face in a way that Esteban would make fun of and Mendoza realizes _he has to tell him somehow_.

"Will you guys hurry up? We good? Is the hatch closed?" Tao asks, then turning back, he realizes something. He realizes Mendoza came alone.

"Where are Esteban and Zia?"

There's a choked back sob at that, coming from Pedro, and Tao's eyes widen. Mendoza takes a hesitant step towards the boy. He takes a deep, rather shaky breath, hoping to collect himself, but the pain in his ribs stops him in his tracks.

"They were there... just right behind us-" Tao's voice breaks and the words are stuck in Mendoza's throat.

"Where are they?"

Mendoza steps to the boy and puts his hand on his shoulder, as if it mattered, as if he wasn't about to break his heart, as if Tao wouldn't _hate_ him after this.

As if he would ever forgive him.

As if Mendoza would ever forgive himself.

"Mendoza?"

He lost them.

_I'm sorry, Esteban, Zia. I'm sorry, Tao._

He lost them.

He failed them.

"They went to get the discs from their medallions. I…" He wants to swallow the words and never say them, ever. "I lost sight of them..."

He can't finish it, he can't. But he doesn't have to. Tao understands and he is crying and his shoulders shake with sobs. There's something burning at the back of Mendoza's throat too and he wants to wrap Tao into a hug, like he did when he finally saw the children again this morning, he wants to hold him, but there's no time.

It's tearing him into two, but there's no time. The city is collapsing and the sea is swallowing everything and it's cruel and Mendoza is a sailor, he _knows_ this. He knows that there's no time, that they have to go or they will all die here.

"We must leave, Tao…" he says, careful and gentle with his voice, softly squeezing the boy's shoulder.

"No!" Tao's voice is harsh and desperate and he snaps Mendoza's hands away, pulling himself free. "Not without them!"

He turns to the control of the Thallios and rips out the key from its place.

"We have to go get them!"

And he's right, they have to at least _try_ . But they _can't_.

They can't, because there is no time.

Mendoza grabs Tao's wrist before he could run away and climb out into that cursed city, into that underwater hell.

"The city is completely flooded." He tells him because needs him to understand. "If we stay here, we'll be buried alive under these rocks."

He needs him to understand that there is no time, that it's too late, that there is nothing they can do. That they lost them. But it's no use, the boy is struggling against his hold and Mendoza hates what he's about to do, but he has no choice.

"Give me the key," he says and takes it from Tao's hand.

"No!" Tao cries out and there's hurt in his voice and the next thing Mendoza knows is the boy's fists against his body. He inhales sharply, the pain in his ribs flaming up again and each hit feels like a stab with a blade. (In his heart too.)

It takes a few seconds for Pedro to hold Tao down and try to calm him and while Mendoza tries to breathe again, he hears Pedro's soothing words and Tao's voice that fades into muffled sobs as they both sink down on the floor.

_How could you do such thing?_

Esteban's words, a conversation from a long time ago, from another life. It echoes into this life, even if everything changed since then, even if Mendoza doesn't want it to.

_You really have a heart of stone._

The memory is too much right now. Mendoza grabs the helm of the Thallios. Distantly, he remembers something else that he heard that night, something Tao told Esteban.

_I think you're wrong. He's really very sad too._

He would have denied it, back then, would have insisted he doesn't care, that it doesn't matter to him.

But now Tao cries out for his friends, hands grasping the air as if he could reach them, for one last time, and Mendoza isn't sure about anything anymore.

They lost them.

He grips the helm tightly like it's the only thing keeping him standing up, knuckles turning white, and with the Thallios's engines starting up, they leave the third city of gold behind.

-

Light seeps through the water, even though the surface is still far. Here it's already so different from the utter darkness at the bottom of the sea, but Mendoza feels like the way ahead of them, the way up, is still impossibly long.

They are safe now, but he feels like they might never reach the surface, never see the light of the sun again.

He squints to the others, to see if they are alright, even if he knows there's no possible way they _are_. To see if they are here, then, to see he hasn't lost anyone else.

Pedro and Sancho are on the bench, locked hands keeping each other there. Tao hasn't moved from the floor, but Pedro hasn't moved his hand from his shoulder either. The kid stares at the orichalchum piles in front of him and he's quiet and that is _wrong_ , Tao is never this quiet and just minutes ago, he was sobbing. Now he's still and silent, like he's run out of tears.

Mendoza closes his eyes and breathes, though the breath he takes is shaky and shallow. And it hurts too. But there's something he has to do.

"Pedro, Sancho," he calls them quietly. "Could one of you take the helm?"

The words are uncharacteristically gentle on his tongue but no one questions it. Pedro gives a last squeeze to Tao's shoulder and stands up. Sancho follows him instinctively and Mendoza thinks they might be alright, eventually.

As they take the helm, heading straight up towards the surface, he walks over to Tao and with one hand pressed to his hurting side, he carefully sets himself down on the floor next to the boy.

And in a heartbeat, everything he wanted to say is gone.

They are safe now and there's time for everything he wanted to say and do but something holds Mendoza back.

(They lost them.

He can never ruffle Esteban's hair again or hear Zia laugh. Tao can never tease his friends again or hold their hands or share with them the stories of his ancestors.)

Mendoza wanted to hold the boy, like he'd done this morning. But since this morning, everything has changed.

He hesitates.

And so Tao is the one to break their silence.

"We should have done something," he mutters. He clenches his fists tightly and Mendoza can see his hands are shaking.

"There was nothing we could do, Tao," Mendoza says quietly, and he puts his hand on the boy's trembling shoulder. "There was no time."

There was no time. There was nothing they could do. The words are for himself as much as they are for Tao.

_He_ lost them.

"Sometimes we have no choice."

Tao shuts his eyes for a second and breathes shakily, his shoulder sinking under Mendoza's hand.

"I know," he whispers.

He looks back at him finally and his voice breaks ever so slightly and he hurries to wipe the tears that threaten to spill from the corners of his eyes again.

"I just thought…" Tao starts, hesitantly, and he rubs his eyes again. "Esteban and Zia… I thought we would always… always be together and I…"

There are the tears again and Mendoza squeezes his shoulder softly and he tries not to think about how he felt the same, how he'd come to care about the children and how he so foolishly thought they could stay together.

"And I t-thought… thought they could be my n-new family."

And then he can't ignore it anymore, can't _not_ think about it. And whatever was holding Mendoza back is gone in an instant.

"You still have your new family, Tao," he says and he means it. "You still have Sancho and Pedro and I." 

And he wraps his arms around the kid and his cape covers both of them and they are safe now and it's easy for it all, for the absence of Esteban and Zia, to hit him with full force. He lost them and he failed them and he left them behind. And he will never see them again. His throat burns.

"I know you loved them," he whispers, his hand in Tao's hair, and he knows the boy can't see the tears in his eyes, but can hear them in his voice. "I... I loved them too."

Tao is crying in his arms but he nods into the front of Mendoza's shirt weakly and this isn't at all what he imagined family to be like but Mendoza loves him just like he loved Esteban and Zia, just like he still loves them.

-

Sancho calls them and Mendoza and Tao climb outside. The sky above them is clouded with the volcano's fumes, but even with the heat and the smoke, Mendoza welcomes the air and the grey sky, its colour so different from the sea-blue dome of Sundagatt.

It's dark up here, on the surface, and Mendoza tries not to think about the sun hiding behind the dust and ash and smoke and grieving for its lost child.

In the distance, the island of the volcano is nothing but a piece of grey wasteland, its trees burnt up and lava flowing down the side of the mountain gently and slowly, like small, lazy creeks. Mendoza knows Sancho wants to show them something else, yet his first instinct is to glance at the island and search for the tiny speck of gold on the cliffside that he knows is waiting for them. The Condor. Mendoza fails to avoid the thought that they can't fly it, not without Esteban and Zia, that the Thallios is their only chance to get far enough in time before the eruption, that _they will have to leave the Condor behind._

But there's something else too. A golden orb of some kind, floating on the surface of the sea, not far from them. Mendoza squints. He reaches for his sword and he knows that if whatever that is threatens everything he has left, he _will_ fight, broken ribs be damned.

And then-

Then Tao starts laughing.

Mendoza was prepared for many things but this wasn't exactly one of them.

"It's an utsuro bune!" the boy laughs, like he's never heard news as wonderful as this. And Mendoza doesn't understand the word, but does it matter at all, when _Tao is laughing_. (Mendoza thought he would never hear him laugh again.)

"It's one of the escape pods from the city!" Tao adds excitedly and he's shouting and he waves his hands like he does when he's explaining something. And then Mendoza understands.

An _escape pod_.

(And maybe it's foolish to hope now, but wasn't it foolish of him to grow fond of these three children in the first place? And even if it was, sometimes you don't have a choice.)

A panel slides open on the side of the orb made of orichalcum and they are there.

Esteban and Zia.

Perhaps bruised, perhaps battered, but they are there and they are alive and Esteban is calling to them and Zia is waving and-

"Zia! Esteban!" Tao shouts on the top of his lungs and he jumps up and down in joy. "You are alive!"

They are alive and they are here and they are laughing, Esteban and Zia are laughing and Tao is laughing and Mendoza feels like he'd been drowning but just now he reached the surface and he can breathe. The sharp pain flares up in his chest again but something else is there too, something warm.

He laughs too.

When the kids swim over to them, halfway through the short distance that separates their escape pod from the Thallios, Tao can't handle the wait anymore and jumps in the ocean to meet Zia and Esteban in the middle. The three children hug and laugh and splash each other with water jokingly and Mendoza thought he would never see them again, never hear them laugh. Pedro and Sancho join them, already in the water because Pedro had jumped at Sancho's neck in joy and they both ended up in the water.

Climbing back on top of the Thallios, all of them are wet and cold but Mendoza thinks he can see the clouds parting a bit and the sun coming out to greet them.

But Esteban and Zia stand in front of him and he can still barely believe it, he still feels like a fool for hoping that this is real, that they really are here, alive, alive, alive-

And back with him.

He pulls the three children into a hug and their clothes are all wet and cold and his broken ribs hurt and they have to leave soon because the volcano could erupt anytime but it doesn't matter, it doesn't. They have a little time.

And there are things he wants to say.

_I thought we lost you_ and _I'm sorry_ and _I don't know how we could have kept going without you_ and _I love you_.

He pulls back from the embrace and looks at them, Tao and Zia and Esteban, these children who became his family. These children he loves.

The things he wants to say, he can't.

"You two really scared us this time," he says instead. _We are family and I don't want to lose you_ , he means and hopes they understand.

(They do.)

**Author's Note:**

> GIVE THIS FAMILY A GODDAMN BREAK
> 
> anyways, hope you liked my fic. kudos and comments are lifesavers!!
> 
> find me on tumblr @returnofahsoka


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